Yes, yes, yes–we all need to be more grateful, more thankful for what we have. Feel fortunate and blessed for the opportunities and people in our lives. Yes, and the research shows that if we do this we will be happier and healthier–and live longer. We all agree with this and most of us think we do do these things.
But how did you get here, to this point in your life? To right now?
There are still a few people out there that still believe that they have controlled their own destinies. That they pull the levers of their lives with no help from others and they alone are responsible for their successes. I know this is crazy, but we all know people like this. They live in a mythical "I" world.
From the research of Robert Emmons, an expert on gratitude:
People who are ungrateful tend to be characterized by an excessive sense of self-importance, arrogance, vanity, and an unquenchable need for admiration and approval. Narcissists reject the ties that bind people into relationships of reciprocity. They expect special favors and feel no need to pay back or pay forward.
Entitlement is at the core of narcissism. This attitude says, “Life owes me something” or “People owe me something” or “I deserve this.” In all its manifestations, a preoccupation with the self can cause us to forget our benefits and our benefactors or to feel that we are owed things from others and therefore have no reason to feel thankful. Entitlement and self-absorption are massive impediments to gratitude. You will certainly not feel grateful when you do receive what you think you have coming, because after all, you have it coming. Counting blessings will be ineffective because grievances will always outnumber gifts.
Were narcissistic entitlement a condition that afflicted only a small percentage of humankind, then there would be little cause for concern.
In addition, to your mother who brought you into this world, nothing any of us have done has been done alone. We get help, support, mentorship, inspiration, and energy from others. I am not even talking about our ancestors who suffered and toiled to get us here. My focus here are the people that got you to this NOW.
I think about this everyday. Not because I am such a grateful person although I try. But because I wonder who introduced me to this person I am with?, who helped me get on this board?, who advised me?, who invited me? who hired me? who referred me?….I can't stop thinking about it. It builds this giant ladder, scaffolding, this network around me. The incredible accumulation of help, support, mentoring and ass-kicking I have been lucky to receive.
Yes "I" have been ready for some of this help and support. "I" prepared myself for some opportunities. But if I am honest with myself, I realize that my Net enables me to Work. My Network is behind me, beside me, and below me to push. catch and pull me. Yes, I have to have goals and ideas and passion, but without the network I am not empowered to succeed.
We careen through life and our orbits, trajectories, and perspectives are changed by every encounter with people and experiences. But certain people have influenced you and helped you more than others.
I am because we are. I am what I am because of who we all are. Ubuntu
I am constantly humbled by these thoughts. (And some would tell you, that makes my healthy self concept more tolerable! 🙂 So I try to let the people who got me here know how I am doing and to thank them for their help. When I do this, it always makes both of us feel good. Like a little life loop was closed. And I try to help anyone who asks for help, not because I expect something in return but because that's what people did for me. Pay it forward. Pay it back. But give thanks to the help we get and the help we give.
This is what propels us. This is the fuel for our lives.
But once you start believing your own bio, your own press releases, you can start to hallucinate that you have designed your own life.
Who got you here? The list is long. Take a moment to appreciate your Network. Then drop a few of them a note, a text, an e-mail, a call to thank them for helping you get here. Not just this week, but anytime you think of it. This not a holiday thing, this is a gratitude thing. This is a network thing.
There is no "I" in network. (sorry could not resist)
Yes let's be grateful and filled with gratitude–then let's acknowledge and thank the people that got us here–everyday!
Thank you for helping me get to this point in my life by allowing me to express myself and to connect with you. Thanks for reading. John