We have all been told that it is better to give than to receive. I know as a kid this was never intuitive. We constantly wanted to receive. We had so many needs and wants. As a child, receiving was way better. But as we grew and matured we understood the wisdom in this maxim. You realize that you Get what you Give. That sharing is not an act of generosity but a necessity of the soul. Material things fade in importance and meaning replaces money. We understand that we have much more to give from our wealth, our wisdom, and our work. Guilt can motivate but gratitude sustains our generosity. We learn the intrinsic benefit of giving that redeems us as givers.
When you give, you feel generous, you feel powerful. When you think about others you strengthen yourself. While we may give to get these benefits, we need to always remind ourselves that we have the precious opportunity to give–we get to give.
For it is in giving that we receive. Francis de Assisi
As a country we are generous. We have been a model of philanthropy and giving of time and money for the world. But when we measure our efforts not as a comparison to other nations but to our own expectations we might come to different conclusions.
The average US household gives about 4.2% of their income. Most of it goes to church , alma mater and to the hospital, about 67% of all giving. *
Wealthier people give less. Households making over $200,000 a year (top 5% of earners) who live in really nice neighborhoods give 50% less than the average American household. In fact only one zipcode of the top 20 wealthiest zipcodes (where average income approaches $500,000) is in the top 1000 zipcodes of giving %. *
So it is also surprising how little we give. Aren't you surprised? What should we give 5%, 10%, more?
If we moved the needle to 5% fo all Americans individual giving would increase about $60 billion a year!
Each of us can give more. We can.
But why do we give? What motivates us?
In a newish book by Adam Grant, Give or Take, he details the benefits of giving. With decades of research he concludes there are three types of people.
Givers: They give without expectation and make giving a priority. They look for giving opportunities not just react to them.
Matchers: They keep track of the score. Who owes whom. They believe in full reciprocity and equity. I scratch your back……
Takers: They always make out in all transactions even in giving. They are Me first.Only give if they gain.
Of course, few admit they are Takers, but we all know them. I meet gobs of them. They try to be subtle and sly but you spot them a mile away. Their favorite radio station is WII-FM. What's In It For Me! Giving to them is a deal where they reap the profit. Most people think they are Matchers, some are disguised Takers. Matchers see equity in giving. Matchers beleive in equity and that they should always get their fair share. Givers trust others intentions. They believe in giving first and last. Givers are represented at both ends of the barbell. Super successful and failures. People who give generously ascend their worlds or they foolishly give everything away without any self-interest. But givers who are not fools are the most successful.
Grant makes many surprising findings that basically reinforce the idea that unconditional giving to those in need, to a cause greater than themselves, builds a base of support and connects them to new worlds. In other words, it strengthens your network! A network that is diverse and "touches multiple domains and worlds."
Grant asserts that giving always helps the giver most. He describes many studies and cases here. Once the Giver understands the need, meets the people with need, connects with the need, then the Giver benefits more. Givers think of themselves as role models. They think about the consequences of not giving. Givers care.
So as a fundraiser, I have met all types with every conceivable motivation and angle. In the non-profit world there is usually a "Give or Get" requirement for members of boards of directors. Meaning you have to give or get money for the non-profit with some $ minimum. Even though this is a "requirement" many do not meet it. I prefer Give AND Get–meaning you must give something personally to have "skin" in the game. The amount is what you can afford, but you need to be personally invested. My experience is that few board members meet and exceed these duties. They refuse to give. I have watched hedge fund managers whine like babies. Super wealthy folks give more excuses than a tardy teenager. These are phony givers. They masquerade as givers but do not give. They are Takers who are not truly committed to the cause or the organization they brag about serving.
Some jaded and cynical people tell me that rich people got rich by being Takers. But as Grant shows in his book, true Givers are the ones who go to the top.
On the other hand, I have met so many truly generous people who I aspire to be like. To always help. To always give. To always personally invest myself. These giving mentors have shown me the way. Taking is short term, and matching takes a lot of effort to keep track. I have learned that my capacity to give can grow with practice and exercise. I can and must give more.
So in life you have to Give AND Get. We all want to be givers. The more you give proactively the more you get. Your giving and the way you give mentors your children and everyone else who looks up you. If you give more without an expectation, without listening to WII-FM, you will receive so much more than you imagined.
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill
Thank you for giving me your attention. And for what you give to others. John
*Chronicle of Philanthropy study of giving 2013
4 thoughts on “Give AND Get”
Great post. My friend was talking to me about this book recently! I learned this, funny enough, during choir rehearsal in college when I overheard a friend trying to convince his friend to help out for a certain musical, I remember him saying that the way we receive is by giving. I’ve noticed in my life that the times I’ve received the most has been when I literally gave myself without expecting anything in return. It’s the way of the universe.
I have experienced the same. I try to respond and try to offer my help without a quid pro quo. I like the way I feel when I am unconditional and unfettered with expectations. My only hope is that the recipients pay if forward. Then the ripple effect helps more. The funny thing is we give without self interest and it helps us feel better about ourselves. 🙂 John
% may be less from richer people but the total money they donated I would ASSume be double or triple to those that are less fortunate and donate a higher %??? So which is better or should we just be happy that people help at all, with what they are comfortable with no matter their pay scale.
Merry Xmas and a happy new year,
your favorite brother-in -law
Very thoughtful post! Giving is truly contagious. When we give, we don’t only help the immediate recipient of our gift but we also spur a ripple effect of generosity through our community. And I personally believe in karma, what you give you get. So if you give good things then good things will come back to you.