Writing is part of my meditative process to clarify my thoughts, to align my actions and to focus on my purpose. I write about my emotions, my shortcomings, and my ideas for a better world through poetry, prose, and what I call rantifestos every day, some of which I post here on my blog and on social media. I share them to help others move along their paths to live and lead with compassion.
All that you touch you change
and all that you change,
changes you.
Octavia Butler
I’m inspired by the mesmerizing effects of the integration of science and spirituality that is revealing so many truths. This post may require a small micro dose of indulgence and patience to connect the dots. Observe whether what I wrote is altered by your interpretation.
We all live in what I call the regret matrix. A parallel universe of existing and former regrets that can swirl in and out of your consciousness. Sometimes you visit it and sometimes it visits you. Something reminds you of a moment that was not your best or even something you have been trying to forget. Out of nowhere a feeling of great loss and emptiness comes over you like a ghost visiting you with a regret or two. Parents are frequent visitors to the matrix of regrets. Parents always teeter on the edge of guilt across the street from regret. So many things that they could have done, things they should have done in hindsight.
But regrets are not all bad. They are benchmarks that you have carved in your timeline. You know why they are there. They remind us of our darker moments and can push us to be a better human.
Some people were born on third base
and go through life thinking
they hit a triple.
Barry Switzer
Not only was he born on third base, never held a bat, his dad owns the stadium and the team–the Meritocracy Mets! 😊
We all might know some trust fund babies. Or people who have been given everything their entire lives. I’ve been to weddings that are corporate mergers and worked with people who are amongst the most privileged humans on the planet. And every one of them has a story about their hero’s journey of slaying the dragons, overcoming the odds and the work ethic it took to succeed. It is human nature for all of us to spin a story, an amazing self-congratulatory, self-preservation story about what “I did” to earn, and deserve “my success”, no matter how much privilege we’ve enjoyed. And I have also worked and know those who have come from virtually nothing and suffered through real hardship to claw their way to the top. These are amazing stories that truly come from lived experiences that can inspire and give hope to others. We can fall in love with these stories, wonderful versions of the American Dream.
We have been in isolation, wearing masks, social distancing, vaccinations, zooming etc. For those of us not in denial, we realize most of this will not change. That we are forever changed by these experiences and that our future health and well-being depends on our adaptability not our non-sensical “return to normal” and our clinging to nostalgia.
Many of us are navigating this crazy world the best as we can. Yet many others are hiding beneath the sheets of “gratitude” and “privilege” of their COVID bed. Using the real uncertainty, anxiety, and health crises of this time as lame excuses for not moving forward with their lives.
Stop blaming COVID for your pre-COVID career co-morbidities– your laziness, your procrastination and deferral of the pursuit of a life that is true to yourself.
We live in a society where our health is an afterthought. We subscribe to a trickle-down theory for our well-being. We are told to fit in, to conform, to assimilate, and to get along. This crazy tension between these pressures and who we are, want to be and are meant to be, undermines our well-being. So much of our society tries to push us into molds behind the façade of independence and individuality. As the old Asian proverb espoused, “The nail that sticks up will be hammered down.” Expectations to go to college, buy a big house, nice car, get promoted, buy more things, the kids go to college and try to outdo their parents and the vicious cycle continues. The stock market soars, GDP rises but we feel like we have more debt than dreams. A recent study of adolescents showed that suppressed “meaning” and “dreams” were the sources of their anxiety. Can you hear the hammers?
So much of our society operates from a trickle-down mentality.
We desperately need to calm ourselves. To achieve some stillness and quiet. To let the lizard mind subside and let the heart take control. Inner peace is an amazing source of energy.
For the Ego kills the ability to feel the pain of others. For this is the test of our own struggles. Do we feel in our hearts and our bodies what others are experiencing? Or do we rationalize it? That is the Ego doing it’s dirty work, making the tragedies of the world explainable, justifiable and fixable. And therefore not MY problem. The further we remove ourselves from the ills of the world, because we can’t let them interfere with our self-important pursuits, our true inner selves are submerged beneath our separateness from the world and each other. And our best self, our virtuous self, gets sedated and suppressed.
The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else e.e. cummings
We are all imposters and have suffered from Imposter Syndrome (IS).
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